Emotional Sludge (edit free poetry)

June 4, 2010

words are the root of meaning
of everything
but words won’t convey what i’m meaning
to say in this situation
beginning at the beginning
a bear-like post-meal hibernation had begun
and she came running
by with importance in her voice
and i knew something was wrong
but when i got there
i never expected what i saw
the pounding in my chest and brain
providing a bass line
for the high whir of sirens
screeching halt
and then it was gone
out of sight but burned in my mind
so i cleared out
too nervous to stop
i started pacing, but only forward
and i had myself convinced i could do it
but somehow our selfish mother sent a chauffeur
next time i’d prefer champagne on ice…
or at least an admittance that you favor
don’t worry i get it,
and i will continue to harbor this bitter resentment
because you never let me be a kid
but this should be about the kid
and she was fine
still a perfect porcelain doll
intended to be propped up
and life kept moving
like a car down a turnpike
running out of gas and money
and too afraid to even breathe
but baby’s okay and that is all that matters./
except two things…
my home is a ghost town
i hate being here
especially in my bed
because i know if i fall asleep i will have to wake up
and what if it’s for you, not because you’re pulling my hair
but because you need me
to coach your mother through
and the other is best friends
i have a problem with abandonment
ever since ever
and you know that
this bears the same sting of rejection
hole up you two lovebirds,
i will move north for the winter
and let you freeze
because you weren’t there
because i refuse to play catch up
especially since this is our summer
all i really want is someone to cry to
someone i feel like i can cry in front of
and sadly, i don’t think i have anyone
also, i need you to be the best friend
who is waiting with a drink
but you aren’t waiting at all
i go through everything alone
because i hide away


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