Archive for May, 2010

4 years

May 26, 2010

It has been ages and days
I wrote a goodbye letter to you
But it has probably become soil
Reverting back to earth
The one we both came from
But you went back to way too soon
And you left me with your brothers
Who were older than me
And unrelated
But I did my best
I made them keep their eyes forward
But I couldn’t help but look back
Because you forced me
Pushing me into life
And I had to leave your brothers
So they keep living the same life
Like a CD with a scratch
stuck in the same place
Counting years from 5-25 to 5-25
And even though my heart aches
And wants to teach them better
You don’t hurt me anymore
I learned to breathe.

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My house is a zoo

May 25, 2010

There may not be bars or cages
We are the peacocks and petting zoo animals
Roaming freely and socializing
Breathing in the scent of lions and carnivores
And at times not regarding distance
Getting too close
Understanding the misfortune of bears’ cave
Refusing care and zookeeping
Growing out of the confines
We are made for jungles
But kept in museums
Meant to educate everyone but us
Screeches and cries beg for tree tops
I was made for the rainforest’s humidity
My family is rooted deep
In thousand year old trees
So don’t barricade us
In an environment with lions from Africa
And bears from the Arctic
Because my short peacock feathers
May not be extravagant,
But they beg for trees
Not here but overseas.

This isn’t about love (revision one)

May 20, 2010

Born at a disadvantage
This double x has me messed up
Rambling teachers taught me about tubes
And journeys inside my body
That cause the curse
But that isn’t the problem
This isn’t a formal complaint against my uterus
Because I cherish it
The base of life
A place we have all been
But decades after de Beauvoir
We are digging
Like D&C instruments
For answers in the membrane
That surrounds the medical field
Why is ovulation enough?
As though knowing how it happens
Is good enough for half the worlds population
There are stores filled with
Books about fertility
Lunar cycles
And still more is known about the moon
We landed there decades ago
But men have been landing women
For centuries
But unlike the moon
Their voyages are for bragging
Not research and discovery
And because of it
Growths are nothing
Forgotten and overlooked
Until there’s nothing but headstones
They claim to worship it
And I suppose it’s only fitting
That it can kill silently
But this isn’t just about pain
It’s about that burning pleasure
The one women were denied
And even after the sexual liberation(s)
Women are meant to enjoy it
No one knows how it works
The big O hanging like a moon
And they know all
About that big ball of cheese
But nobody can explain
The female body
At least not scientifically
Only poetically
Using adjectives and colorful language
But that won’t keep anyone alive
It won’t cure unknown diseases
It won’t find nerve endings
So stop writing about it
Don’t think about looking at it
Unless you love the curves
Enough to search
Even if it means forever
Because we claim
To be so much more progressive
Than Middle Eastern nations
And while a Saudi woman can’t drive
The men around her see
Her as a gem
To be protected and hidden
But the red, white and blue
Gives you a loophole
You can disregard the power
And by doing so
Don’t have to love or strive
For the female anatomy
Put on a white coat
And rubber gloves
For once, force yourself to examine
The second sex
Because it’s all you’re after
Realize your responsibility
Is not the next morning
Or the next nine months
It is to know as much about
The craters and occasional stones
That are on our planet
As you know about the light in the night sky
That is a whole spaceship ride away

This is not about love

May 19, 2010

Born at a disadvantage
This double x has me messed up
Rambling teachers taught me about tubes
And journeys inside my body
That cause the curse
But that isn’t the problem
This isn’t a formal complaint against my uterus
Because I cherish it
The base of life
But decades after de Beauvoir
We are digging
Like D and C instruments
For answers in the membrane
That surrounds the medical field
Why is ovulation enough?
Books about fertility
Lunar cycles
And still more is known about the moon
Growths are nothing
Forgotten and overlooked
Until there’s nothing but headstones
They claim to worship it
And I suppose it’s only fitting
That it can kill silently
But this isn’t just about pain
It’s about that burning pleasure
The one women were denied
And even after the sexual liberation(s)
No one knows how it works
The big O hanging like a moon
And they know all about it
But nobody can explain
The female body
At least not scientifically
Only poetically
Using adjectives and colorful language
But that won’t keep anyone alive
It won’t cure unknown diseases
It won’t find nerve endings
So stop writing about it
Don’t think about looking at it
Unless you love the curves
Enough to search
Even if it means forever

I like my skin I’m wrapped up in

May 14, 2010

I first fell in love in the 4th grade
When you told me your name, Angel
Or your best friend Bonita
The next year it was LaRussia
In high school there was Prometheus and Shantelle
And in college: Carolina, Ifteqar and Kuguru
But this love isn’t about names
It’s about skin, Not skin what’s within
This love runs deep
Like rivers between rice and beans
Like valleys in collard greens
Like oceans of curries
Whose tides I want to be caught in
To drown and die
Let my body be found
In the space that divides culture
And bury me so deep
That no one knows my skin color
Because I don’t want to be marked
Branded as the oppressor
I didn’t hurt you
Or your ancestors
But you hate me anyway
You barricade me out
But I can’t blame you
My color is like poison
The kind that takes your firstborn
And exploits it for cash
Because white skin is greedy
And you won’t ever get it
Strive forever
But I am predisposed
If I could rid myself of my jewelry
And change genders
This isn’t Freudian
It’s for real
I can barely identify
Because my white skin encases XX
And thus I am oppressed
You think it doesn’t compare
But I will go on
Believing it does
Because I will take anything that makes us closer.

Life

May 11, 2010

You’re the kind of lover
That makes my heart beat fast
You make my skin tingle
But you take that same skin
And cover it with bruises
Then stay to see how it will heal
You make my flesh crawl
Towards you
So cuts and scrapes mark our love
A back and forth relationship
Where you have to be in control
I am forced to submit
Because without you I’d die
But I must say,
I’m getting a little tired
Of this back and forth euphoria
It’s pretty messed up
That neither of us can be high at the same time
And when you’re high you get abusive
Knocking me around like a ragdoll
But I love you
So I tell you i love you
And you react fast
Not with reciprocity
But with a hand around my throat
And I can’t leave
Because I need you to breathe
Every inhale is a reminder
That I better deal with it if I want to exhale
It’s too bad our story won’t get picked up by tabloid papers
There won’t be articles about my black eyes
I have no umbrella to hide under
So just pull the trigger
Let me wither and fall apart
Don’t worry, I’ll tell everyone you love me
You’re so good I would never leave
I get time to love those in need
Just so long as you’re always in control
Which isn’t hard
You move so fast everything follows
You’re the problem, cause and solution
So listen
Life. you’re a little hard on me
But I will go on living and loving you
I’m strong enough to take a beating

Summer

May 11, 2010

Glass bottles
Best friends
Late nights
Tables with tips on them
Fabric and geometry
Solvable problems
Prayer towards tomorrow
Chicken scratch in leather
Bound tight to my heart
Words resonating in speakers
Open mic stages
Beckoning me
Coffee brewed and served black
Boys with skin in coffee shades
Pink bows and flowers
For baby girl with the mouth
Swimsuit skin baked to beauty
And a body to match
A return to a new home
With a kitchen that calls
I’ll let you own me, summer
Just promise to treat me right

Placeholder

May 7, 2010

I want to write beauty
Describe life with letters
Pound out a history
One we can be proud of
But I am busy
So this chapter is unwritten
Until later, hopefully
But I procrastinate
We’ll see